Guilty Pleasure #34

Guilty pleasures, I have many. To name a few: television shows on the CW, Top 20 on 20 XM, Perez Hilton, iced caramel macchiatos, Sour Patch Kids ... and most recently, Missed Connections on Craigslist.

I, for many years, was a Craigslist rookie. I've never found an apartment on there, I've never (successfully) bought or sold a concert ticket from there and I've never looked for my future life partner in their Personals. I blame Jayme for introducing me to "Best of Craigslist," the section which highlights the most entertaining posts on the site, as nominated by readers. You could read this section for days and it will never get old - case in point: Seeking Adult Drunk Clown for 30th Birthday party.

My new addiction is Missed Connections. Here is the premise: you and I are riding the subway together. Perhaps we exchange some small talk; I get off at Union Square. Upon exiting, I think to myself, "I should have given him my number! I may have missed my chance." In hopes of finding said man from subway, I post a "Missed Connection" on Craigslist. Whether or not this has ever worked for anyone has yet to be seen.

Some of the posts bewilder me, like this one. Hello? Why don't you just go back, introduce yourself and ask her out. It shouldn't be that hard. Others make more sense, like this one. However, if he really did see her twice, he should have gone for it the second time. Some are truly entertaining - I love the last line in this one. Others are downright creepy (although this one is kinda funny ...)

Check it out for yourself - hey, maybe you're that girl who was in line at Whole Foods carrying the pink purse. You just never know.

5:30 a.m. on a Sunday

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to run. I admit, that is not a phrase I often utter. As a matter of fact, I don't like to get up at 5:30 a.m. for pretty much anything other than vacation ... when I get to sleep on a plane.

I ran in the 7th annual Firefighter Stephen Siller Tunnel to Towers Run/Walk, which begins in Red Hook and commences by Ground Zero.

Here's Stephen Siller's story: On September 11, 2001 Firefighter Stephen Siller had completed his tour and was heading home to his wife and 5 young children. When Stephen heard on his scanner what had happened, he turned his vehicle around and raced back to his firehouse in Brooklyn to get his gear. When, for security reasons he was prohibited from entering the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel, he got out of his vehicle, and, with his gear strapped to his back, he began his heroic run. He was last seen alive at the World Trade Center site where he and so many others gave their lives so that others might live.

To honor his memory and that of the other 342 firefighters who lost their lives on 9-11, his family started this annual run. Today, I ran the race with 16,000 people - it was astounding. The run begins in Red Hook and goes through the tunnel. Upon exiting the tunnel, firefighters hold up picture flags of all 343 fallen firefighters. It was one of the most poignant sights I have ever seen.

Waking up at 5:30 a.m. is never fun - but the run was worth every moment of it (even running most of it in the rain and being subjected to Neil Diamond's "America" more times than I can count). And for those who know me well, the scenery was quite enjoyable, too.

Do yourself a favor and participate next year. It's for a great cause and is an experience you won't ever forget.

Reading on the LIRR

In the mornings I sleep to pass the ride; on the commute home, I either make the most of my Netflix membership or I read. I have been alternately reading two books that are slowly becoming more overdue by the day (an expensive proposition, as far as the Long Beach Library is concerned) - Angela's Ashes and The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, the latter of which is both physically and content heavy. I eventually stopped bringing that book to work, favoring the McCourt paperback.

The Noonday Demon is definitely an interesting book, but at times it seems to lack emotion. It is simply to easy to drown in the science and statistics - to forget that it was written by a person who suffered numerous psychological breakdowns due to crippling depression and anxiety. It is remiss of feeling.

I was flipping through New York magazine today (Wednesday's commutes are generally reserved for the crossword in the back) and I stumbled upon this beautiful piece by Elizabeth Wurtzel. While I have never read anything by David Foster Wallace, her writing painted such a real picture of his struggle with depression.

I loved this part - not only because of its sentiment, but the eloquent way in which she conveyed her memories of him and her subsequent reflections:

"Looking back, I am just so very sorry he was not less fragile and I was not less crazy. Looking back, I’m not sure which philosophy of life is more sound: the person who is full of regret, or the one who says je ne regrette rien. I am even less sure which mode of thinking finally leads one to say enough is enough, which approach is at long last more tiring.

By appearances, it would have seemed to me that David was doing great, living in Southern California, writing terrific books and pieces, recently married, teaching at a prestigious college. I am not stupid enough to believe that depression does not afflict a person whose life is good, but if he could get by in a hovel in the middle of the Midwest, surely these elements of happy life—love, sunshine, stability—had to be a plus. These things are real, genuine, the stuff depression blocks you from even getting close to."

I don't have a simple or neat way to conclude this; I don't exactly know why Wurtzel's piece struck a chord with me today, especially since I knew nothing of Wallace before this past week. There was just something about it. I hope you'll read it and see in it the beauty that I did.

"Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and, as we pass through them, they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cutting the cord

"So I went from day to day
Though my life was in a rut
'Til I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut"
- "Solsbury Hill"
Peter Gabriel

I knew all week that something had to be said, that things couldn't keep going in the direction they were headed. Confusion breeds more confusion ... eventually snowballing into complications that are difficult to back out of. I told myself that it was different - that there was more. But at the same time, I was only kidding myself. While there was indeed an undeniable connection and chemistry - all roads lead to the same place. It's a place I have been before and told myself not to go back.

It's hard to tell your mind what to do, and even harder to tell your heart what to do.

I have always had trouble removing people from my life, toxic or otherwise. It is almost harder to tell yourself to permanently let go, which infinitely keeps you from moving forward. As I convinced myself to let someone go, I had a random dream about an ex last night. While I know he is married and we have both more than definitely moved on, there was always a certain comfort in not fully letting go. I have been told that you can't move forward until you remove everyone from your past. Whether this means deleting all the numbers from your phone and taking the e-mails out of your address book or never letting a fleeting thought become more than that, I'm not sure.

Today is the day that I will let someone go because I know it's the right thing to do - for him, but more importantly for me.

Lessons Learned ... for September 12

While I intended to post this yesterday, the day got away from me. However, it actually may represent the sentiment more by not being posted on September 11.

One of my favorite books is Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman. One of his essays poses an interesting question about Americans’ take on patriotism, prior to September 11 occurring. He sent an e-mail to various acquaintances and offered them a choice: if given the choice to date two equally appealing people, with one described as “very patriotic,” who would you choose? Not surprisingly, the overwhelming majority of respondents viewed patriotism as a big negative. They associated it with a love for “Ted Nugent,” “Robin Williams’ movies” and a lack of intelligence. Only one person responded to the contrary – his point being that our generation is too focused on being cool, rather than being a generation that accomplishes anything worthwhile or important. In other words, patriotism isn’t viewed as “cool,” so people didn’t view it a positive attribute.

Patriotism certainly didn’t resonate with me at the time; to be honest, it just wasn’t something I thought much about. Rather it was something I took for granted. I, too, would have fallen into the first category. I can blame my years in the South for this stereotype, but the word “patriotism” automatically conjured images of fireworks shows soundtracked by Lee Greenwood and that “I’m proud to be an American” song. After 9-11, patriotism took on a whole new meaning for me.

We need to put aside our political and religious differences; we need to disregard our feelings about the war. We need to be grateful for the brave people who serve in our military, our police departments and our fire departments to protect us on a daily basis. Be as proud of your country, if not more so, than you are of your individual heritage. New Yorkers take so much staunch pride in being Irish, in being Italian, in being from New York – that we forget the big picture. Be proud that you are American and that despite all of our complaints and problems, we have it pretty good here. We have it pretty good, thanks to the people who make sacrifices for us.

While we can do our best to honor the people who chose to put their life on the line to save others on September 11, do not forget the people who signed on for nothing more than an ordinary day - businessmen, fathers, secretaries and janitors who expected nothing more than an average Tuesday. Think of the many people who left their homes without saying goodbye or “I love you” to their spouses and children. Life can be cut short in seconds; be sure to pursue what fulfills you and let people know they matter. Never leave angry; never leave without saying “I love you.”

After September 11, everyone was looking for a way to help. There weren’t enough places to keep the bottled water donations that were rolling in. Why did people stop helping? We are all guilty of falling back into normalcy. We forget how many people need our help on a daily basis. Donate money, or at the very least, give your time. Find something that matters to you and help make a difference in the world. Think of soldiers that are overseas and their families who are here in the States. Use your abundant resources to show them that they matter and you can make a small sacrifice for the one they are making for you.

September 11 is just one day out of the year. Make an effort to put aside your individual beliefs for the common good – it will make a difference. Show people why you’re proud to be an American (and not in the Lee Greenwood “I’m wearing an American flag windbreaker” way) and that we care about other people. Honor people who make sacrifices for your safety and freedom. Live your life in a way that fulfills you; you never know when it will be taken away. Show your grace by helping others who don’t have what you do. You never realize how good you have it until you see what others don’t have. Love and respect others; show your family and friends that they are important to you.

God bless America.

Long Beach Learns to Drive!

I've decided that it's time for me to run for Mayor of Long Beach. I will be a one-platform candidate, and if elected, I will fully fund a program called "Long Beach Learns to Drive." Unequivocally, Long Beach has the worst drivers of anywhere in the country - if you took a random sample of ten drivers ranging from poor to downright dangerous, nine of them are piloting autos on the streets of Long Beach.

I know what you're thinking - "Absolutely not! (Fill in the blank) has the worst drivers!" And yes, terrible drivers are not unique to Long Beach. Georgia drivers were infamous for leaving half-mile gaps between cars at exits. It's the only place I've ever seen a traffic back-up caused by eight cars. Charleston drivers (mostly tourists) seem to think their cars are akin to tour buses; they will slow down to a veritable crawl to see the sights. And God forbid you get behind a car behind a horse-drawn carriage - there's no such option as passing! Massachusetts - it's no secret why people refer to its drivers as "Massholes."

Red lights and stop signs cannot be taken for granted in Long Beach; their existence does not guarantee that cars will stop at intersections. We're not even talking pause and roll - drivers blatantly plow through them. The road I live on is one-way on each side, with parking spots lining the median on both sides. If you are essentially making a left hand U-turn (visualize it as going from west to east, or opposite), you are supposed to stop at double red lights. If you get lucky, people will stop at one, but rarely both - hence, the ubiquitous "Long Beach lefts." This becomes especially annoying when you see a parking spot on the opposite side of the street - while you know you are competing against the cars going in the opposite direction, the cars behind you shouldn't be able to nab your spot. Oh, but they do. While I wait (im)patiently at the red light, someone opts to take a Long Beach left and steals the parking spot I was eyeing.

Another great thing about my street is that there is a traffic light at every block. People decide that once they hit a red light, that is a green light to use their BlackBerry, make a phone call or fix their makeup. Then, of course, the light changes and there is a five second lag. It's just enough for that person to make the light, but long enough for you to miss that light and the subsequent fifteen lights.

I've never seen a traffic jam caused by people making a left hand turn until I drove to the train station in the morning. People invent lanes, with no rhyme or reason to make a left hand turn. Once they make the left, they are either going to (a) take a sharp right down a side street to park, (b) try to pull up in front of the train station, where there appears to be no open spaces for letting someone out, or (c) turn into the right lane, as they should, to go to the train station. This should be simple enough, but it is cause for a pile-up each and every morning. "I want to make a sharp right, so I'll invent a turning lane all the way to the left!"

"Long Beach Learns to Drive" would start with the basics - green lights mean "go" and not with a five second delay. Red lights and stop signs mean "stop" and they're not optional. Blinkers are on your car for a reason - use them. "No passing" on a one-lane road does not mean "passing is okay if there is a parking spot available" and use your blinker if you're looking for a parking spot. There is no need to arbitrarily slow down to five miles an hour with no obvious intention.

Long Beach - learn to drive!

Rotated tires give you a new lease on life

After numerous weeks of my dad begging me to get my tires rotated, I finally did it yesterday. Of course, I subsequently wasted half of a beautiful Sunday, without a car in Westbury.

How do you pass two hours without a car, when the only options within walking distance are the Costco your car is being held hostage at, a smallish-not-so-great mall and a Borders? I started off by returning phone calls and trying to catch up with friends who I haven't had time to talk to lately. However, the noise level in Costco quickly rendered that option as unlikely. I walked (slowly) over to The Source - but a mall is a terrible place to be when you're trying not to spend money. I started off with an inexpensive food court lunch at the Green Cactus, which passed about twenty minutes. After that, I ambled through Ann Taylor Loft, reasoning exactly why I didn't need any more cardigans for Fall. I knew better than to go in any other stores - it was time to leave the mall.

I headed back to Borders, assuming that I could find something worth reading (and not buying) to pass the next hour. I found myself sorting longingly through the required summer reading (which I certainly didn't appreciate when I was forced to read these books) and decided that I would re-read "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin. As I headed up the stairs, I passed a shelf of Oprah books and curiously picked up "The Secret."

I'm not going to say that I actually read it, but I did skim through it. Here the brief synapsis for those who are unfamiliar with it: the "Law of Attraction" principle posits that feelings and thoughts can attract events, from the workings of the cosmos to interactions among individuals in their physical, emotional, and professional affairs. While I don't disagree with this concept, (i.e. why you generate more romantic interest when you're in a relationship) parts of this book were just ridiculous. Evidently, by stressing over debt, I am breeding negative thoughts. But if I visualize wealth appearing, my mailbox will suddenly be chock-full of checks. Who is sending these checks? I can barely get my flex savings account to properly reimburse me these days.

Regardless, "reading" this book reminded me of something. Years ago, I was stuck in a rut; I was unhappy with my job and a short-lived but hopeful relationship had fallen through the cracks. One day I woke up and realized that I was tired of moping and that each day, I was going to think of three things that I was happy about. I told myself that no matter how trivial they seemed, I would find three things each day. Within weeks, my mood improved - I was focusing more on what made me happy and the optimistic parts of life, rather than the negative parts that made me feel down. I met someone new and started a new job.

While I don't believe that magical check fairies will be sending money my way, I'd like to see what happens next. Let the power of attraction begin.

Today's three:
1. It is absolutely beautiful outside today.
2. I bought a cute skirt that I am wearing today.
3. I'm not working late today and will be able to make dinner when I get home.

Give it a shot; see how it works for you.