Instinct and premonition

I walk to work the exact same way every day; not that there are a real variety of ways I could go, but I always take the same street to my office. In doing so, I cross four avenues.

Each morning when I am waiting to cross a certain one, I get a weird feeling that I have never have before. I feel like if I was ever going to get hit by a car, this is where it's going to happen. The stranger part is that I never think this crossing it the opposite way - only heading East. There's no logic behind this thought - it's just one of those strange premonitions we all have that we can't explain.

I am mildly superstitious. I honestly believe that if bad things are going to occur in my life, it will happen on the 28th. I came up with that one after a number of bad experiences seemed to occur on the 28ths of months. Now, unfortunately, as that date approaches each month, I await what will happen and breath a sigh of relief if it passes quietly.

I also have a bad luck song - sometime way back in the throes of adolscent turmoil, I must have been listening to "Ten", too much, as "Black" by Pearl Jam became my bad luck song. Without fail, if I hear that song on the radio, something is bound to go wrong. It's just a matter of waiting to see what it will be.

I pay so much attention to these strange superstitions and premonitions, that I often neglect logic. In telling Jayme my freak premonition that hits every morning crossing Greeley Square, she remarked, "Why don't you take a different path?"

It seems so simple, so logical. But it's so hard to reprogram how we think and what we choose to do.

Your instincts are usually right - that nagging feeling you can't quite explain that tells you something is wrong. You're in the wrong place, you're doing the wrong thing, you're making the wrong decision. Yet why is it so easy to overlook that "gut feeling"?

Not only is it difficult to make changes in a lifestyle that we're used to, there is a certain degree of uncertainly that follows. We do things all the time that we know aren't right for us; yet making the decision to stop is so much harder.

I've been plagued as of late with these thoughts, these uncertaintanties. But even worse, they're not unexplainable like the Greeley Square thing. They're logical...completely logical. Yet I find it impossible to change my ways. Either I'm too stupid...or not brave enough. I haven't decided which one - because neither sounds really good, does it?