Re-evaluation

"She’s going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there’s more
Than he gave she’s looking for"
- "I Don't Wanna Be in Love"
Good Charlotte

Having given myself a four day weekend (I've been off since Saturday), I've had plenty of time to get things done that I simply haven't made time for in the past month. I've cleaned my apartment, got my car inspected (kind of neglected to realize that it expired during October ... oops), ran errands, finished the two movies I had been watching all month and finished one of the three books I was reading.

I love being off on random weekdays while the rest of the world is off doing their everyday things. While it has been relaxing to nap whenever I want (and I have randomly napped at some point each day I have been off), the time and the silence are deadening. I'm not used to not having plans and not having somewhere to be. The worst place for me to be is left alone with my thoughts.

Only two things can semi-successfully clear my head when it is overflowing - running and aimless driving. I went to the gym today and had a solid run. After finishing my run, I decided to stay in my car - roof open, windows down - to enjoy the beautiful weather and to figure out what the nagging voice in my head was saying.

I have always been a people-pleaser, to my own detriment. I've always been the person who puts everyone else's interests and happiness before my own, thinking that if the people around me are happy, I will be, too. Sometimes this is the case; sometimes it is not.

I feel like this is a lesson I should have learned before - that it isn't my responsibility to put everyone else first ... that sometimes I need to put myself first. But as I very well know ... I seem to suck at mastering certain lessons and this just may be another case of it.